Is pre-marital sex ok?
Question:
“Fornication in the Bible seems to refer to adultery, incest, homosexuality, and bestiality. I don’t see anyone being called a sinner for engaging in premarital sex.“
Answer:
Consider that the Bible doesn’t always explain things using the same words that we would use. For example, we sometimes talk about “the Second Coming” as if this is Biblical phrase but actually the Bible never uses these terms (even though these concepts are clearly taught in Scripture, as I have shown in some of my other articles). Therefore, it’s important that we try to look at the greatest weight of evidence in order to find out what the New Testament reveals about God’s will concerning premarital sex, even if the Bible never uses the words “premarital sex.”
First, notice how strongly the New Testament speaks out against sexual sins:
“Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a man commits are outside his body, but he who sins sexually sins against his own body. Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body.” (1 Corinthians 6:18-20) “But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God’s holy people.” (Ephesians 5:3)
The above passages tell us to flee from sexual immorality and not allow even a hint of sexual immorality in our lives. These are strong words, so it is important that we make the right decision about premarital sex.
Now notice some more ways that God condemns sexual immorality:
“Do you not know that the wicked will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: Neither the sexually immoral nor idolaters nor adulterers nor male prostitutes nor homosexual offenders nor thieves nor the greedy nor drunkards nor slanderers nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God.” (1 Corinthians 6:9-10) “We should not commit sexual immorality, as some of them did–and in one day twenty-three thousand of them died.” (1 Corinthians 10:
“Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral.” (Hebrews 13:4)
“But the cowardly, the unbelieving, the vile, the murderers, the sexually immoral, those who practice magic arts, the idolaters and all liars– their place will be in the fiery lake of burning sulfur. This is the second death.” (Revelation 21:
These passages say that the “sexually immoral” will not inherit the kingdom of God, but instead they will be judged and will be sent to the fiery lake of burning sulfur. Christians will not be sent to the fiery lake of burning sulfur, but the above passages give us a very clear idea of the heart of God concerning sexual immorality. God has a strong view of any kind of immorality, so we should try to err on the side of purity. For example, the apostle Paul said that the Church will be presented to Christ as a pure virgin bride:
“I am jealous for you with a godly jealousy. I promised you to one husband, to Christ, so that I might present you as a pure virgin to him.” (2 Corinthians 11:2)
This indicates that purity and virginity are highly valued before marriage in Scripture. Premarital sex takes away that purity and virginity. For those who have already lost that purity before marriage, God is willing to forgive our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness (1 John 1:9). As Christian recording artist Rebecca St. James says, if we have made the mistake of having sex before marriage then we can repent and give our sexuality back to God and become “recycled virgins.” As I see it, the idea of being a “recycled virgin” means that we have received forgiveness from God and we are now keeping ourselves pure for marriage without having premarital sex anymore (just like a virgin).
Notice that the apostle Paul said that if unmarried people cannot control their sexual desires then they should get married:
“Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I am. But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion [literally, "be inflamed (with anger, grief, lust)" - see Strong's Greek Dictionary].” (1 Corinthians 7:8-9)
The above passage says that if unmarried people are not able to be celibate (as Paul was) and they find themselves burning with sexual desire, then they should get married in order to avoid committing any sexual sins. This means that sex outside of marriage is a sin, as the following passage also indicates:
“Now concerning the things whereof ye wrote unto me: It is good for a man not to touch a woman [or, "It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman," according to the NIV footnote]. Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband.” (1 Corinthians 7:1-2, KJV)
In the above passage, notice that Paul had a very specific reason why people should get married: “to avoid fornication.” Here is what the English word “fornication” means:
- “to have sex with someone who you are not married to” (Freesearch Dictionary)
- “Fornication: Sexual intercourse that is “illicit”, outside of marriage.” (Medical Dictionary)
- “fornication n. sexual intercourse between a man and woman who are not married to each other.” (Law Dictionary)
- “consensual sexual intercourse between two persons not married to each other” (Merriam-Webster Online Dictionary)
- “NOUN: Sexual intercourse between partners who are not married to each other.
WORD HISTORY: The word fornication had a lowly beginning suitable to what has long been the low moral status of the act to which it refers. The Latin word fornix, from which fornicti, the ancestor of fornication, is derived, meant “a vault, an arch.” The term also referred to a vaulted cellar or similar place where prostitutes plied their trade. This sense of fornix in Late Latin yielded the verb fornicr, “to commit fornication,” from which is derived fornicti, “whoredom, fornication.” Our word is first recorded in Middle English about 1303.” (The American Heritage® Dictionary of the English Language: Fourth Edition. 2000.) - “c.1300, from O.Fr. fornication, from L.L. fornicationem (nom. fornicatio), from fornicari “fornicate,” from L. fornix (gen. fornicis) “brothel,” originally “arch, vaulted chamber” (Roman prostitutes commonly solicited from under the arches of certain buildings), from fornus “oven of arched or domed shape.” Strictly, “voluntary sex between an unmarried man and an unmarried woman;” extended in the Bible to adultery.” (Online Etymology Dictionary)
When Bible translations, Bible commentaries, etc., use the English word “fornication,” the primary meaning of this word is voluntary sex between an unmarried man and an unmarried woman. As we can see in the definitions above, the word “fornication” has had the basic meaning of “prostitution, premarital sex” since the 1300’s (which was before the KJV was written in 1611). “Fornication” is the word which many Bible scholars use for translating the Greek word porneia into English when the Scriptural context is describing premarital sex. According to various Greek dictionaries and Bible commentaries, here is what the Greek word porneia means:
- “harlotry (including adultery and incest); figuratively idolatry: - fornication.” (Strong’s Greek Dictionary, emphasis added)
- “porneia:
1) illicit sexual intercourse
1a) adultery, fornication, homosexuality, lesbianism, intercourse with animals etc.
1b) sexual intercourse with close relatives; Lev. 18
1c) sexual intercourse with a divorced man or woman; Mar_10:11,Mar_10:12
2) metaphorically the worship of idols
2a) of the defilement of idolatry, as incurred by eating the sacrifices offered to idols” (Thayer’s Greek Dictionary, emphasis added) - porneia - “Fornication, lewdness, or any sexual sin” (The Complete Word Study Dictionary of the New Testament, Spiros Zodhiates, p.1201, emphasis added)
- “Fornication. Chastity was the exception instead of the rule among Gentiles at this period.” (People’s New Testament commentary, Acts 15:20, emphasis added)
- “and from fornication–The characteristic sin of heathendom, unblushingly practiced by all ranks and classes, and the indulgence of which on the part of the Gentile converts would to Jews, whose Scriptures branded it as an abomination of the heathen, proclaim them to be yet joined to their old idols.” (Jamieson, Fausset, Brown commentary, Acts 15:20, emphasis added)
- “Fornication, all uncleanness of every kind was prohibited; for πορνεια [porneia] not only means fornication, but adultery, incestuous mixtures, and especially the prostitution which was so common at the idol temples, viz. in Cyprus, at the worship of Venus; and the shocking disorders exhibited in the Bacchanalia, Lupercalia, and several others.” (Clarke’s commentary, from http://www.e-sword.net/commentaries.html, Acts 15:20, emphasis added)
- “and from fornication; not spiritual fornication or idolatry, but fornication taken in a literal sense, for the carnal copulation of one single person with another” (Gill’s commentary, Acts 15:20, emphasis added)
- “Fornication - Hebrew: zanah / Greek: porneia
Fornication is voluntary sexual intercourse between a man and woman who are not married to each other. Adultery is one type of fornication.
In every form, fornication was sternly condemned by the Mosaic law among God’s people, the Israelites (Lev. 21:9; 19:29; Deut. 22:20-11, 23-29; 23:18; Ex. 22:16). (See ADULTERY.)
Fornication is also mentioned many times in the New Testament (Matt. 5:32; 19:9; John 8:41; Acts 15:20, 29; 21:25; Rom. 1:29; 1 Cor 5:1, 6:13, 18, 7:2; 10:8; 2 Cor 12:21; Gal 5:19; Eph 5:3; Col 3:5; 1 Thess. 4:3; Jude 1:7; Rev. 2:14, 20-21; 9:21; 14:8; 17:2,4).
“The Greek word for ‘fornication’ (porneia) could include any sexual sin committed after the betrothal contract. …In Biblical usage, ‘fornication’ can mean any sexual congress outside monogamous marriage. It thus includes not only premarital sex, but also adultery, homosexual acts, incest, remarriage after un-Biblical divorce, and sexual acts with animals, all of which are explicitly forbidden in the law as given through Moses (Leviticus 20:10-21). Christ expanded the prohibition against adultery to include even sexual lusting (Matthew 5:28).” (Dr. Henry M. Morris)
The word “fornication” is sometimes used in a symbolic sense in the Bible, for example, meaning a forsaking of God or a following after idols (Isa. 1:2; Jer. 2:20; Ezek. 16; Hos. 1:2; 2:1-5; Jer. 3:8-9).” (christiananswers.net, emphasis added)
So depending on the context, the Greek word porneia can mean adultery, incest, prostitution, idolatry, etc., but the important point here is that porneia also means fornication (premarital sex) as in this example:
“Now concerning the things whereof ye wrote unto me: It is good for a man not to touch a woman. Nevertheless, to avoid fornication [porneia], let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband.” (1 Corinthians 7:1-2, KJV)
As we saw earlier, the above passage says that people should get married in order to prevent committing the sin of fornication (premarital sex).
Common Questions
Here are some questions I am sometimes asked concerning premarital sex:
- “Is it okay to have sex if you’re totally in love with each other, and you’re totally certain that you’re going to marry each other and spend the rest of your lives together (especially if you’re engaged to be married)? What if you’re over 30 (or 40), or what if you had previously been married before? Is premarital sex okay at that point?” Notice that after you are married, then sex is appropriate between you and your spouse. But before you are married it is still premarital sex (fornication). So if premarital sex is a sin, then it is a sin up until the moment you are married. The New Testament never says that if you’re totally in love with each other and you’re committed to each other and you’re certain that you will get married and spend the rest of your lives together, then premarital sex is okay. The New Testament also never says that premarital sex is okay if you’re over a certain age limit, or if you had previously been married before, or anything like that. Sorry, but there are no “loopholes”!
Also, consider that there are many people who were engaged to be married, and who expected to spend the rest of their lives together, but then they broke up. Some of them gave their virginity to each other because they were certain that they were going to get married, and they ended up regretting that they gave up their virginity to the wrong person. Life is full of uncertainties, and you’re not married until you’re married!
- “Is oral sex okay? Is “petting” okay? Is it okay to see each other naked?” It is human nature to want to know how far we can go without “crossing the line,” but remember what the New Testament says:
1 Corinthians 6:18: “Flee from sexual immorality.”
In the above passage we are told to run away from sexual immorality. Therefore, the best thing to do is not to get anywhere near “crossing the line.” Our analytical minds want to know if it is safe for us to fondle and touch each other sexually (even fully clothed), or to have oral sex instead of intercourse, or to see each other naked, etc., but notice that those are not the attitudes that the Bible describes. All of those things will increase our desire and temptation to have sex, but the Bible says to run away from those temptations. Therefore, it’s best to avoid any situations which will cause sexual temptation, such as touching each other sexually, being naked (or near naked) with each other, or sometimes even just being alone together. This can sometimes be difficult to do when our emotions (and hormones) are flying high for that special person, but try to keep in mind that when we follow God’s plan then everything always works out for the best, in amazing ways!
Conclusion
The weight of Scriptural evidence shows that premarital sex is a sin, even if the Bible doesn’t specifically use the words “premarital sex.” Sexual immorality of any kind is harshly condemned in the New Testament, so I would recommend following the path of purity before marriage. If you have made the mistake of having sex before marriage, forgiveness and restoration are only a prayer away (see 1 John 1:8-10). You can make the decision to become a “recycled virgin” (as Rebecca St. James puts it) by receiving forgiveness from God and then keeping yourself pure for marriage without having premarital sex anymore (just like a virgin).
For unmarried Christians, I highly recommend a book by Joshua Harris called I Kissed Dating Goodbye (as well as his follow-up book called Boy Meets Girl). Some people agree with his thoughts on giving up dating, and some people disagree, but I highly recommend these books because he provides some great insights on how to have a Godly relationship before marriage. Even more importantly, he gives some powerful guidelines on how to know if a person is the mate that God intends for you to have. After all, sometimes we get so emotionally involved with a person that we miss hearing from God about whether or not that person is meant to be our future spouse. Christians are not supposed to get divorced (except possibly in the case of adultery), so if we make the wrong decision and marry the wrong person then we’ll be stuck in a marriage which is not the perfect marriage that God intended for us to have (and which we always dreamed of having). It can be difficult waiting for God to bring that perfect person into our life, but I like to recommend those books by Joshua Harris in case it helps unmarried Christians to be able to recognize that perfect person whom God has chosen for them. For some ideas on how to discern if someone is the perfect spouse for you, consider taking a look at my article called How to Hear the Voice of God. In addition, check out Rebecca St. James’ book called Wait for Me. Her song “Wait for Me” (written to her as-yet-unknown future husband) has had a huge impact on unmarried Christians around the world as they wait for God to bring them their future spouses, and her book has gotten rave reviews.
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