Questions and reasons for leaving

                                    INTRODUCTION

    —————————————————————————

  

        1)  To let you know that you are not alone

 

        2)  To help you feel better about leaving

 

        3)  To help you get on with your life

 

 

“What bothered you most when you were leaving Jehovah’s

    Witnesses?” 

 

    ————-

    Social Themes

    ————-

 

    “At school, I had seen kids ’sent to Coventry’ — an english expression

    that means that the child is ignored by the rest of the class.  It’s

    childish and hurtful.  When a disfellowshipped Witness started attending

    our congregation and the same happened to him, under the direction of

    adults, then I could not accept that this was right.”

 

    “I noticed a ubiquitous self-complacency that caused a lack of willingness

    to help distressed people.”

 

    “When I left, I lost my social life and friends.”

 

    “I had nowhere else to go for spiritual association.”

 

    “I was distressed by their habit of shaming those that are disfellowshipped

    by not speaking to them.”

 

    “Going to all of the required meetings, field service, elder’s meetings,

    and preparation for all of this, created a great deal of stress in my life.

    I was trying to plan my life around the Watchtower requirements — and it

    was never enough.  Providing for my family, personal growth, time with my

    family and friends — these things always took second place to the demands

    of ‘Jehovah’s Organization’.”

 

    “I didn’t like their thinly veiled propagation of hatred towards others.”

 

    “I had an ever growing spiritual void as a Witness.  Usually I was too busy

    to notice the spiritual emptiness, but it kept growing.  I would try

    denying it to myself, and could never talk about it with a trusted friend

    in the Kingdom Hall (for indeed, one can never really trust the confidence

    of one who is owned by the Watchtower).  I was experiencing a spiritual

    emergency with no one to offer first aid.”

   

 “We switched congregations because of the very bad spiritual milieu.  The

    presiding overseer beat his wife and children, but he was a working machine

    and did so many good things for the congregation, so no action was taken

    against him.”

 

    “I am not satisfied with the excuse that ‘Jehovah will take care of things

    in His own time’.  This is used to justify unethical, illegal and immoral

    practices within the congregation, especially when pioneers, elders or

    ministerial servants are involved.”

 

    “I observed a total loss of love and care for each other inside the

    Witnesses.  For the first time, I can see what unconditional love means.

    The loss of this kind of love makes a foundation for slandering, which is

    very common in the Witness congregations.”

 

    “I worried about losing my family, since they were all Witnesses.  I had to

    decide whether to disassociate myself or try to fade away.  I worried about

    what to do with my life.”

 

    “My self-disassociation had a terrible effect on my family life.  I was

    disowned by my mom.”

 

    “When I disassociated myself, I wrote directly to the Society, informing

    them of my decision, asking never to be contacted again in regards to the

    matter.  For the next year, I received calls from elders I had never even

    met, from various congregations that I had never been a part of — they

    asked me if I was ’sure’ and they wanted to give me another chance.  I was

    harrassed for a year until they finally announced that I had been

    disfellowshipped, not that I had disassociated myself.”

 

    “I noticed the ease with which brothers and sisters can turn off their

    ‘love’ if you dare to question the Society or if you point out what appears

    to be hypocrisy within the congregation.”

 

    “The principle of ’submission’ requires Witness sisters to tolerate verbal,

    emotional, physical and mental cruelty even from their Witness husbands in

    good standing.  They are not able to separate from them without being

    viewed as the ‘problem’.  I know of one couple (now divorced) where the

    husband treated the wife like a doormat.  He belittled her publicly,

    wouldn’t allow her to use the phone, drive their car, or let her have money

    unless she detailed what she would be spending it on.  When she spoke with

    some elders, they recommended that she ‘wait on Jehovah’, ‘persevere in

    prayer’ and so on.  She had a breakdown, was in hospital (I was her only

    visitor) and when she went home, her husband treated her just the same.

    She left him, and the elders disfellowshipped her.  One told us that she

    was ‘immature’ because she abandoned her husband — that she was wrong not

    to stay and try to make things better. I disagreed, on the grounds that if

    he loved her ‘as he loved himself’ he would treat her accordingly.  I said

    that nobody — male or female — is scripturally required to put up with

    abuse of any sort.  Some time after she was disfellowshipped, her husband

    was appointed as a ministerial servant.”

 

    “My parents’ continual arguments and the tension in the house did not

    reflect what we had been taught about ‘god is love’.  The gloom and despair

    of the house was smothering.  My parents spent more time, and valued

    higher, their religion than their family — they rejected me when I showed

    signs of ‘falling away’. This situation continued over 20 years later –

    it’s only in the last eight years (at my wife’s insistance) that I have had

    any contact with my family.”

 

 

    —————–

    Armageddon Themes

    —————–

 

    “Even after I left the Witnesses, I was afraid I’d die at Armageddon –

    deep down, I was conditioned to believe it would come.”

 

    “I was bothered by the pressure of living under the threat of Armageddon in

    1975.  I never thought that I would live to be 21 and that psychological

    weight almost froze my brain.  I realise now that I was severely depressed

    and remember standing on my bedroom windowsill on occasion, ready to throw

    myself off.”

 

    “I thought I would be destroyed at Armageddon.”

 

    “I couldn’t accept the idea that good people would be destroyed.  I knew

    a lot of nice people, and if I was given the decision, I never would have

    wanted them dead.”

 

 

    ——————

    Self-Esteem Themes

    ——————

 

    “I felt evil and dirty before I left the Witnesses.  I continued to feel

    that way for years afterwards.”

 

    “After I left, I had low self esteem.  Leaving made me feel inferior to

    Witnesses.”

 

    “I was constantly distraught over not being able to keep all commandments.”

 

    “It seems that only loyal Witnesses are valuable and worth helping. We are

    always compelled to do more field service, more regular meeting attendance,

    more personal ’study’ as remedies for every problem.”

 

    “The total lack of love between the people ‘inside’. Spreading of rumours,

    talking behind everybodys backs, the whole idea about the elite-thinking.”

 

    “I thought I was sinning against Jehovah by leaving.”

 

    “I never felt ’saved’.  I never felt good enough.  I never felt like I

    had put in enough hours.  I distrusted my thoughts and sexual urges.

    Frankly, I had grave doubts that I would get through Armageddon.  Now that

    I’m out of the Witnesses, I see that there was nothing wrong with me.  I

    was a good person, but I never knew it.”

 

 

    ———————

    Organizational Themes

    ———————

 

    “I was turned off by the judgmentalism.  I, and others, also describe this

    as black-and-white thinking. The organization divides everything up –

    Jehovah’s/Satan’s organization, godly/worldly, theocratic/untheocratic etc.

    This allows for no middle ground at all — no balance.  In the organzation

    ‘balance’ meant being fully ‘theocratic’ while moving ahead at the speed of

    light (keeping up with that fast-moving chariot God rides in the book of

    Ezekiel!). I now believe that this definition of balance is closer to

    ‘compulsion’.  Anyway, the division of everything into these tightly

    defined dualities allows Witnesses to find no common ground, no way to

    really grasp the mystery of life on earth, no room for the ineffable. This

    is a critical flaw of the organization, in my view.”

 

    “Within the Witnesses, initiatives are seldom taken; waiting for

    organizational directives is preferred.”

 

    “The double standards. One rule for some — quite another for other members

    of the congregation. What was allowed was a question of who you were.”

 

    “I disliked the lies, the hypocrisy, and the changing ‘light’.”

 

    “I didn’t like the hierarchical nature of the organization with its nasty

    circuit overseers.”

 

    “I couldn’t tolerate the fact that the organization was controlled by

    unbelievably stupid individuals.”

 

    “The meetings were so boring!”

 

    “I got bored with the meetings, and the ’spiritual food’. I was exposed to

    the Witnesses from the age of ten, and was baptized at 18.  For 20 years

    after baptism, I put my heart and soul into the Watchtower faith.  I really

    believed it, and questioned very little.  I pioneered, was a ministerial

    servant, bible study servant (thus committee member), elder (presiding

    overseer).  I don’t see how anyone could have believed it was the ‘truth’

    any more than me.  Slowly, though, boredom with the meetings started to set

    in.  Eventually, nearly all of the meetings became a bore.  The ’spiritual

    food’ became cold leftovers. I faked illness to stay home.  I watched a

    little TV while home from a meeting, and received more spiritual food from

    some of the educational programs than I was getting from ‘Jehovah’s

    table’.”

 

    “I disliked the whole disfellowshipping system.  The secret ways of the

    tribunal.  The total lack of religious freedom that forces believing

    Witnesses to shun their friends and family.  I guess that the fact that my

    mother-in-law was disfellowshipped years ago and we should (but couldn’t)

    shun her made me see that there was something wrong there.”

 

    “There is a great abuse of power by elders, Circuit Overseers and the

    Society in general.  The real problem is that things that are done are

    attributed to God. They assume that God would not ‘permit’ abuse of power,

    so there are no control mechanisms as there are in other organizations.

    Nobody checks if the elder tribunals follow the Society’s own laws.  Almost

    by definition, what is done by someone who has ’scriptual’ positions of

    power (Governing Body, Circuit Overseer, elder, husband, father) must be

    regarded as having God’s blessing.  So they blame the victim.  I’ve heard

    and confirmed stories about horrible disfellowshippings, abusive husbands,

    sexual harassment from elders, sexual assaults from fathers who were

    upstanding members of the congregation.  These things made me want to blow

    up something. It’s not a few bad individuals inside a good organization.

    It’s a few good individuals inside an organization gone bad!”

 

    “I gradually came to the realization that the Society had told deliberate

    lies.  I saw that the Society had misled me because its writers were

    intellectually dishonest, either deliberately or by Orwellian doublethink.

    Most Witnesses virtually worship the Society, so they are not open to

    discussion about these things.”

 

    “When there was an announcement that I had been publicly reproved, there

    was no description of my ‘crime’, leaving folks to ponder and gossip about

    the nature of my indiscretion.  The blanket ‘public reproval’ was used on

    people of all sorts, from child molesters to drunks.  I was none of those

    things.”

 

 

    Indoctrination Themes

    ———————

 

    “After leaving, I had no idea how to live, or why I should behave in a

    moral fashion. All of the reasons I’d been given (”Jehovah said so”) were

    now inoperative, so I had to start from the beginning.”

 

    “I couldn’t stand the ubiquitous double-think, double-speak and double

    standards that affect every aspect of the Witness life.  I also disliked

    the Society’s consistent distortion of their own history to make it fit

    present teachings and self-image.”

 

    “I was raised as a Witness, and that taught me everything about how to

    live. When I left, it was like having the universe pulled out from

    underneath me. When I no longer believed in the Society doctrine, I had to

    figure out all of life’s moral issues from scratch.  I was a like a

    new-born baby.  It took me years before I started to get a handle on the

    problem.”

 

    “For years after I left the Witnesses, I felt ‘bad’ or ‘evil’.  I felt that

    I had left because I was weak — that I didn’t measure up.  Intellectually,

    I couldn’t explain the feeling, because I found plenty of holes in Witness

    theology once I widened my research.  But the years of conditioning had

    affected me.  I didn’t realize I had an emotional problem, not an

    intellectual one.”

 

    “I was bothered by their insistence on not thinking for yourself or reading

    ‘unapproved’ materials.”

 

    “One thing in particular was what happened when I refused to place

    Watchtowers telling that humans were not using their brains for thinking,

    but their hearts.”

 

 

    —————-

    Doctrinal Themes

    —————-

 

    “Dates and prophetic failures were a sore point with me.  I see the date

    compulsion among Witnesses as an outworking of the dark side of

    judgmentalism, as if they were saying, ‘Since these dates and time

    dispensations have been revealed only to us, this proves how right we are

    and how wrong you are.’ After coming to see the degree of absoluteness of

    previous Watchtower predictions, such as the 1844/1874/1878/1914 series, I

    got to the point where, when going to a meeting, I would become filled with

    rage every time I heard a date.  My inability to listen to dates — or to

    teach anything about dates — was crucial to my stopping meeting

    attendance.”

 

    “Watchtower thinking is shallow at best.  I now consider myself a

    psychological polytheist, a concept psychologist James Hillman coined to

    describe the movement toward ‘the many’ from ‘the one thought’.  This also

    describes a movement toward perspective (as in many perspectives) and

    imagination. This psychological perspective is the home of all artists, who

    understand the world poetically and musically, movements toward

    deliteralization.  The Watchtower worldview is literal: dot all the i’s and

    cross all the t’s. It is a religion for psychological children who still

    want mommy to tell them how to tie their shoes.”

 

    “They lied to us. I had always been so proud that my religion admitted its

    mistakes.  Yes, we did make mistakes in the past but these have been

    corrected, so that means it will get better and better.  Right?  Wrong. I

    did my research and discovered all the misquotes, distortions, past errors,

    false prophecies covered over, and direct lies.  It simply blew away all

    the respect I had for Brooklyn. I looked at them with new eyes, somewhat

    cynical, and I lost the blind trust I had in those old men who held the

    whole system together.  When this trust disappeared, there was nothing left

    for me in the Witnesses.”

 

    “I was bothered by the whole blood issue.  Yeah, I was one of those who

    probably would have died rather than take a transfusion.  But when I could

    see how dishonest and stupid the whole argumentation was, it got me real

    angry. I threw my ‘no blood’ card away, and suddenly I understood why

    ex-Witnesses often get bitter.  The other lies were bad, but this thing

    could have killed me, and it has killed perhaps hundreds of Witnesses.”

 

 

 

    ——————————————————————————-

                              WHY IS IT SO HARD TO LEAVE?

    ——————————————————————————-

 

 

    It is not easy to leave Jehovah’s Witnesses.  I asked two people (one an

    ex-Witness, and one on the way out) for their observations on the process.

    This is what they wrote (edited for clarity)…

 

 

    ——————————

    Commentary by Alan Feuerbacher

    ——————————

 

    Over a period of many years, I found more and more examples where the

    Society had changed its position, replacing old understanding with “New

    Light”. It bothered me, but what were the alternatives?

 

    If a Witness decides that some doctrine is wrong, what does he do about it?

    By far the easiest choice is to ignore the problem and go about his

    business as if nothing happened.

 

    I think that most new Witnesses learn very quickly that this is required of

    them.  Those who cannot conform quickly leave.  Those who have been

    Witnesses for a long time are experienced in the art of pulling the wool

    over their own eyes, so the latest proposal of “new light” is often

    welcomed as a fine opportunity to learn something new.

 

    What if a Witness decides to protest?  He won’t get very far because the

    entire organization is tuned against dissent.

 

    What if a Witness decides to quit?  Usually, after many years in the

    religion, a Witness is so tied up with social contacts that it’s almost

    impossible to leave.

 

    What happens to a Circuit Overseer who sacrificed his career for the

    Society?  If he happens to land in Bethel, he and his wife have a fairly

    easy time; all their material needs are taken care of.  If they leave, they

    have to worry about earning a living, paying rent, buying food and all

    sorts of things Bethelites take for granted.  How many people would

    willingly put such a comfortable position in jeopardy?

 

 

    ———————–

    Commentary from “Robin”

    ———————–

 

    NOTE:  “Robin” did not wish to reveal his name because he is worried that

            it would lead to being disfellowshipped.  Since he wishes to

            retain contact with his family, he is using a pseudonym.

 

 

    Logic is not quite sufficient to break away.  In basic rhetoric, there are

    three forms of argumentation: logos, ethos, and pathos.  Logos is obviously

    logic, facts, and so on.  Pathos is the emotional appeal, and ethos is your

    “air of authority” — how much your listener trusts you.

 

    Obviously, anyone branded an apostate would lack in ethos to a Witness, but

    can be convincing with the other two (logos and pathos).  I think what

    helped me was that at the same time I learned certain important facts, I

    also experienced the dark side of the Society, such as elders who took

    advantage of their position.  Though elders are bound by rules and some

    good principles, there are few checks on their power.  A “sheep” must

    submit to the elders’ actions; anything else is considered resistance to

    Jehovah’s arrangement.

 

    When Witnesses feel that the doctrine is seriously flawed, they fall back

    on the idea that this is a “spiritual paradise”, and there is no where else

    to go.  “I must stay at all costs,” they say, “it means my life”.  They may

    also say, “I can’t be disloyal” or “Satan is trying to break my integrity”.

 

    These are emotional responses.  So strong is their attachment to the

    Society that facts alone aren’t likely to help.  They are happy with their

    friends.  They feel righteous in their works.  They are in awe of the

    smooth operation of the organization.  Most of all, because they believe

    this is God’s organization, they are sure that all the problems will be

    taken care of when God decides to act.  They consider it haughty and

    presumptuous to want the problems solved before then.  They repress their

    doubts and look forward to better days.

 

    Even when we look at extremist cults, we see people armed with plenty of

    facts, who are intelligent, yet still do crazy things if the emotion is

    powerful enough.  They use their mental facilities to justify the course

    that has been chosen emotionally, to make it sound rational.

 

    I think that is why endless conversations with the same person quickly

    reach a point of diminishing returns.  That person may have some emotional

    attachment that is not stated explicitly, and if that is not dealt with,

    inconvenient facts can be forgotten.  The Society provides a world-view

    that is simple and certain.  Such security is difficult to abandon, so

    Witnesses usually retreat mentally when it is threatened by facts.  Unless

    the person has a deep desire for truth, or a great respect for reason, the

    emotional hook must be removed before a Witness can make the frightening

    decision to break free from the dictates of men.

 

 

 

    —————————————————————————

                           WHAT IS A HIGH CONTROL GROUP?

    —————————————————————————

 

 

    The word “cult” has often been used to describe Jehovah’s Witnesses.

    Unfortunately, the word is overused.  Many people use it to describe any

    religion they don’t like, or which they find a little strange.

 

    When I discuss groups like the Jehovah’s Witnesses, I prefer to use the

    term “high control group” (HCG), instead of “cult”.  These groups are

    characterized by the methods they use to instill ideology and maintain

    obedience.

 

    These techniques are well documented.  They apply to Jehovah’s Witnesses

    and countless other HCG’s.  Here are some of the better known methods…

 

 

    - Simplistic Thinking:  Issues are expressed as polar opposites, with

      no gray areas.  Things are black or white, us or them, good or bad.

 

    - Time Pressure:  You are given so much to do that you never have time

      to stand back and think objectively about what you are being taught.

 

    - Peer Pressure:  Your conformity is attained by exploiting your natural

      need to belong.

 

    - Isolation:  You are separated from society, friends or family, either

      physically or psychologically.  You are led to believe that you made the

      choice yourself, to avoid “bad influence”.

 

    - Insulation:  Facts at odds with what you are taught are explained away

      by saying that they are lies created to mislead you.  You are taught that

      people outside the group conspire to ensnare you.  If you continue to be

      concerned, you are referred to the group’s reference material rather than

      outside sources.

 

    - Demonization:  Groups or entities are identified (e.g. “Evil Slave

      Class”, Satan, Christendom) as an object example of the evil outside the

      group.  Some of these groups or entities might not actually exist.

 

    - Special Status:  You are told that you belong to a group of chosen ones

      with a special mission.

 

    - Elevation of Persecution:  Any negative actions taken against the group

      are taken as proof that the outside world is trying to destroy it.

 

    - Guilt:  You are made to question your worthiness, and your past sins are

      exaggerated.  You are consistently led to believe that you are not “doing

      enough”.

 

    - Fear:  Your loyalty and obedience are maintained through warnings of

      serious physical or spiritual repercussions if you do not conform.

 

    - Authority:  You are discouraged from expressing doubt or questioning the

      words of the “higher authority” (a charismatic leader, elders, or the

      organization as a whole).

 

    - Apocalyptics:  You are taught that everything will work out well because

      a magical solution is coming.  The solution usually involves the

      destruction or subjugation of those outside the group.

 

    - Scrupulosity:  You are taught explicit rules concerning conduct,

      appearance, and behaviour.  Spontaneity is discouraged.

 

    - Uncompromising Discipline:  Disagreement is dealt with harshly, which

      discourages open discussion of alternative views.

 

    - Conditioning:  You are taught to react instantly to situations with

      approved responses, rather than acting thoughtfully. For example, you are

      taught to answer questions instantly by quoting from approved sources

      rather than thinking about the question.

 

    - Thought-Stopping:  You are discouraged from thinking along lines that are

      not in accord with what you are supposed to believe.  Eventually, this

      becomes a habit, and you lose your ability to think critically.

 

    - Subjugation:  You are taught that the group’s goals outweigh your needs,

      and that your personal problems are mere weaknesses which can be ignored

      if you are strong enough.

 

 

    Your best defense against these techniques is knowledge.  Once you are

    aware what is being done, you can start to resist.  Eventually, though, you

    may find it necessary to distance yourself from the group, because your

    doubts will become evident, and the group will react accordingly.

 

    In the case of the Jehovah’s Witnesses, often the best approach is to

    slowly withdraw.  This may save your friends and family from the pain of

    seeing you disfellowshipped — and being told they can not speak to you.

 

    Different congregations have different levels of tolerance.  Some

    congregations will disfellowship you at the first sign of doubt.  So before

    you withdraw, take care to set up some outside contacts, so you don’t find

    yourself alone if you are ejected from the group.

 

 

 

    —————————————————————————

                                      ENIGMAS

    —————————————————————————

 

 

    If you are thinking about leaving the Society, you are already questioning

    the doctrines. 

 

    —————————————————————————

                                RECOMMENDED READING

    —————————————————————————

 

 

    If you can not find these books in your book store, ask them to order them

    for you.  Orders typically take three or four weeks.  Some of these books

    are out of print, but you can sometimes find them at your local library.

    If they are not available there, try contacting your local cult information

    center.

 

 

    Crisis of Conscience by Raymond Franz. Commentary Press, Atlanta.

    A Governing Body member’s experience in coming out of the Witnesses.

    If you read no other book about leaving, you should read this one.

 

    In Search of Christian Freedom by Raymond Franz. Commentary Press, Atlanta.

    A former Governing Body member’s analysis of how the Witnesses go wrong in

    the application of Christian principles.

 

    Apocalypse Delayed: The Story of Jehovah’s Witnesses by M. James Penton.

    University of Toronto Press, Toronto.

 

    The Sign of the Last Days: When? by Carl Olof Jonsson and WolfGang Herbst.

    Commentary Press, Atlanta.  A detailed study of how the Witnesses go wrong

    in claiming there are biblical “signs of the last days” evident since 1914.

 

    The Gentile Times Reconsidered by Carl Olof Jonsson.  Hart Publishers,

    Lethbridge, Alberta, Canada.  A commentary on the the Society’s chronology

    about 1914.

 

    The Orwellian World of Jehovah’s Witnesses by Heather and Gary Botting.

    University of Toronto Press.  Available in cloth ISBN 0-8020-2537-4) or

    paperback (ISBN 0-8020-6545-7).

 

    Deadly Doctrines by Wendell W. Watters MD.  Prometheus Books.

 

    Visions of Glory: A History and a Memory of Jehovah’s Witnesses by Barbara

    Grizzuti Harrison. Simon and Schuster (out of print).  A well-written book

    by an ex-Bethelite that explores the emotional toll of breaking away.