Our all purpose CFM apology form

Dear 

a) Pastor
b) Dad,Mom
c) Love of my life,
d) Assistant Principal,
e) Local Police Chief,

Words cannot begin to express how sorry I am that your 

a) Car
b) House
c) Pet
d) Mother-in-law
e) Left arm 

was severely damaged by my 

a) infantile
b) puerile
c) inept
d) comically brilliant but nonetheless sadistic
e) woefully under appreciated 

prank. 

How could I have known that the 

a) car
b) jet ski
c) large helium balloon
d) Patriot missile
e) Zamboni 

I was riding in would go so far out of control? And while it is
true that I should not have pointed it in the direction of your 

a) house
b) wife
c) Cub Scout troop
d) 1/16th sized replica of the Statue of Liberty, complete
   with lightbulb in the torch
e) priceless collection of Rolling Rock beer cans 

You must understand that it was all meant in fun. The subsequent
carnage that I caused is beyond my ability to 

a) imagine
b) fathom
c) comprehend
d) appreciate
e) pay for

and I must therefore humbly ask your forgiveness. I know
that you are perfectly within your rights to 

a) hate me
b) sue me
c) spank me
d) take my firstborn
e) gouge out my eyes with spoons and feed them to the
   fish in your koi pond 

but I ask you to remember all the good times we've had,
joshing around at 

a) school
b) work
c) church
d) the bowling alley
e) the municipal jail

and to remember that I am first and foremost your 

a) friend
b) child
c) sibling
d) lease co-signer
e) only possible match should you ever need a
   bone marrow transplant. 

I think that counts for more than one prank, especially one that 

a) was so stupid
b) was so silly
c) would have been funny if it worked
d) you would have done, if you had thought of it first
e) I'm going to use again on someone else. 

Sincerely,

(your name here)
----------------

LOL

During taxi, the crew of a US Air departure flight to Ft. Lauderdale made a wrong turn and came nose to nose with a United 727. The irate ground controller (a female) lashed out at the US Air crew screaming “US Air 2771, where are you going? I told you to turn right on ‘Charlie’ taxi way; you turned right on ‘Delta’. Stop right there. I know it’s difficult to tell the difference between C’s and D’s but get it right”. Continuing her lashing to the embarrassed crew, she was now shouting hysterically, “You’ve screwed everything up; it’ll take forever to sort this out. You stay right there and don’t move until I tell you to. You can expect progressive taxi instructions in about a half hour and I want you to go exactly where I tell you, when I tell you, and how I tell you. You got that, US Air 2771??”

Naturally, the ‘ground control’ frequency went terribly silent until an unknown male pilot broke the silence and asked, “Wasn’t I married to you once?”